Biting From The Apple

I can’t actually blame Eve offering Adam the apple. It’s so tempting and shiny. It also must have been a rare, exotic fruit. I also do not blame Adam from taking a bite out of it. Lord knows I’ve been tempted to take a bite of anything I think tastes good. And that folks is the root of “my” evil.

I’m not one to preach. Well . . . sometimes, I do. However, I make sure that whatever I preach I practice myself. In a way, it’s making sure that I’m covering my ass. I don’t want to be blamed for an ill-advice by a vindictive person and be included in their murder list. I’d hate having to check my rear to see if someone’s sneaking a glistening knife ready to plunge between my shoulders.

Anyway, while I’ve been doing my daily mental calisthenics, my brain waves zeroed in on this . . .

Why do people generally gravitate towards things that are bad?

It’s a natural instinct that I’ve been prone to relent from time to time. And I’m guessing, most of you will agree with me that even if we force ourselves not to give in, our whole system would try its damnedest to push us. Sadly, it will come down to giving into it.

I’ve never pretended or even dared to be pristine. Oh, I’ve done my fair share of idiotic and bad-ass decisions when I was still mentally and emotionally stunted. (Not that I’m saying I’m a wise and fully-enlightened being now. I’m just better in understanding things at present than before. I guess the ageing process is working its magic in developing my maturity as well.)

I can probably list down a lot of bad things — physically, emotionally and psychologically — that I am always tempted to lean forward to and indulge in. I sometimes have to “force shutdown” my infernal inner voice just to get my way in the end. Oh how I just love gagging that meddlesome voice.

A moment of pleasure leads to a lifetime of pain.

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The thing that always weighs me down the most was the guilt I feel afterwards. Yes, I had pleasure and fun while frolicking in sinful endeavors such as stuffing myself with chocolates or getting an extra slice of pie. However, the moment it all wears out, I am beset with self-castigation and a — more often than not — a sore throat.

People might think that I’m too hard on myself, that’s it is human to err. Yes, I am human and therefore, I have this thing called “conscience”. Although some might argue against the presence of it without  going towards a full-on theological and philosophical debate that will inevitably get blown-out-of-proportion. But, I’m not going far down that road.

For me, a conscience is something intrinsic and molded by the environment, principles and morals I grew up with. It’s also the same thing that mentally whips my tush whenever I misbehave. The saddest part is . . . I listen to it, mostly after the deed. So, I feel worse than ever.

But who can resist temptation other than a super-humanoid pretending to be an ordinary human being or an android programmed to stay away from sinful treats? Who can stay away from a bad boy with a ripped body and puppy dog eyes, beseeching me to offer my cushy love and affection?

Definitely NOT me. 

So, like a vicious cycle — even knowing I’ll be drowning in guilt — I still succumb to temptation. The only resolution I can think of is to hone my willpower . . . a veritable undertaking, I know, since living in a material world is enough temptation for someone un-saintly like me.

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