Existing vs. Living

I often find myself buried under existential quandaries of late. It’s probably because of the heat. Or it might be because of the things I went through for the past several months – dealing with death and familial estrangement.

Gradually becoming a bit more grave and sometimes somber without the help of any narc or alcohol, I realize that the sadness, and, most often than not, depression I’ve been experiences is due to the fact that I’ve been only existing. I’ve become anti-social and a loner. I diverted back to my younger self – the one who barely speaks in class and keeps to her room the moment she arrives home.

And like what the old adage, “We start to die the moment we were born” brings a sour note to my now revamped outlook in life. It makes it all the more poignant when I observed that the signs of “just existing” is truly evident in my lackluster life.

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MY PLAYLIST: Top 10 Tracks for March 2013

I am one of those people who often modify my listening playlist. With numerous of genres to tap into and thousands of songs in my hard drive, I can’t help being changeable. Listening to songs over and over again can sometimes give me a migraine even if it’s my favorite song. It must because of sonic waves or something. Therefore, I create monthly playlists.

Note: Do not be confused with the All-Time Favorites list. This is a monthly thing.

Just like in radio station countdowns on most requested songs, my eardrum’s most requested songs can be very varied. Sometimes, all-time favorites stay and get different ratings among the 100 songs (at least) on my playlist and might not make it to the top ten. Some gets resuscitated from their long slumber and re-enter my world because I miss them. There are some I just discovered and trying to drown in it until I’ll eventually put them to in suspended animation. And then, there are those that just kinda make my heart soar.

So, what are the top ten tracks on my playlist this month? Here they are: (Please click on the song to watch the video.)

1. Passion Pit – Constant Conversation

I discovered this track a few weeks ago when I was searching for more Passion Pit fix. The cool, almost seduction undertones really get me in the mood to just chill and relax. It’s a nice accompaniment to a balmy evening while thinking of what good things I did that day.

2. Ra Ra Riot – Beta Love 

Ra Ra Riot is one of those bands that has a distinct sound. Even without knowing who the artist is, just one note is a dead giveaway. I fell in love with them with “Boy” and my loyalty is solidified with this pop-ish, upbeat track that is quite reminiscent of some of my favourite New Wave bands.

3. Walk The Moon – Anna Sun 

This track made me want to daydream about someone to snuggle with – a hopeless daydream considering I’ve been single for years.

4. DJ Tiesto featuring Dizzee Rascal – Bad Behavior 

I actually stumbled upon this about a year ago and it’s a song I personally – and silently – dedicate to Tom Hiddleston. I have a massive crush on him and for some reason, hearing this makes me think of him and all the bad behavior I want to mentally do to him. Psycho much? Nah.

5. Tegan and Sara – Closer 

I’m fixated with this twin duo, maybe because they’re ubercool. Closer is the first track I fell in love with and the feeling is getting stronger.

6.’s – The Barracuda 

Okay, I’m a complete 90s lover because I grew up in that decade. It featured a lot of unique and extremely lovable characters as well as music.’s sound blended well with the avant garde Japanese style and I had so much fun watching them. I was also not surprised that they were included in the Tokyo Drift soundtrack.

7. The Joy Formidable – Whirring 

A very definitive band that made me a fan with Cradle, the first single I heard from them. But then, my adoration upped a level when I heard Whirring and Austere. With a new album out, I just know The Joy Formidable will go places.

8. Biffy Clyro – Black Chandelier

I have this predilection to like a song not just because of its beat or melody. Biffy offers heart-warming lyrics cased in a solid melody that is without a doubt their signature sound. Black Chandelier is one of those songs that I probably might include in my list of all-time favorites after I deafened myself listening to it perhaps a thousand times.

9. Architecture In Helsinki – Escapee

I know by now that you noticed my preference with upbeat indie sounds. It’s a way for me to keep my adrenaline up because those who personally know me will agree that I can get bored so easily. Escapee is like a shot of steroids for me . . . keeps my blood pumping.

10. Robot Koch – Overnight featuring Jahcoozi (King Cannibal Remix)

Seductive sounds are also one of my preferences. I use it to seduce my imagination from coming out of hibernation whenever I feel like writing. Robot Koch has several tracks that I love to use from time to time and Overnight is one of those I overuse lately.

So there you go. As you can see, they’re not the typical top of the pops list. Regardless of when it was released or the popularity in the Billboard Charts, my playlist is much diversified. They’re my own “likes” that I just want to share. Enjoy!

Designing Life

I’ve been going on and on, talking about this topic with a dear friend of mine (someone I consider as my soul sister) for quite some time now and it never fails to inspire me into talking more. But enough talking. It’s time to write about it.

Just like a previous post I did here, the changes and allowances you make for yourself all leads to being marketable in the existential market called life. And believe me when I say, it’s a very chaotic market out there. To much competition. Too much politics. Not for the faint-hearted.


The usual way we go about reinventing ourselves is to change our appearance. From the cut and style of your hair, to the shade of lipstick you choose to wear, or the types of clothes you wear in whatever occasion you go to . . . everything you do to your appearance can make a big difference. But, it doesn’t stop there. You need to reinvent your character and even your outlook in life. All of these changes all boils down to attracting  people and eventually good vibes or good karma. 

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Another Man’s Treasure

I’m not talking about horders. I’ve seen a couple of those biohazardous folks on the telly recently that makes me cringe and pity them at the same time. Somehow I accept the fact that they cannot help themselves and they need psychological – if not medical – help. 


Nope, I am not talking about them. I’m talking about something along the lines of “Till death do us part.”

I’ve been known to BS a lot on lovey-dovey stuff for eons now. Friends and acquaintances know about my predilection and notoriety regarding this matter. Quite frankly, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop. As long as cheesy people exist, so as my quirked brow, smirk and razor-sharp tongue. 

So, what am I rambling about?

I just remembered stumbling upon a story eons ago of how a twice rejected woman at the altar can finally find happiness with someone who eventually treated her like a treasure instead of trash like her former beaus (Mr. A and Mr. B). Good riddance, if I might say so. Of course, there might be some hidden story behind the story that wouldn’t make it in the newsfeed, but the fact that it happened was something inspiring and makes thirty-something and forty-something singletons all over the world rejoice.

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