I believe that everything in this world has vitality . . . a certain vibration that makes the world come alive. I bask in it. I relish it. I want to explore it. I want to be a part of it.
After losing someone really important to me a couple of months ago, I took time to really reflect upon what I am, what I’ve been through and what I want to look forward to. As if nothing in this world makes sense, the words of my father when I was starting to learn how to play the guitar reverberated through my head.
“That’s good. Just practice and practice and soon, you can make your guitar sing.”
Remembering those words, I can feel that my dad wasn’t just talking about me playing the guitar. He was imparting a Confucius-type of lesson to me (he did that a lot when I was a kid, not really knowing the deeper meaning behind his words. It’s just now that I have mature (a bit) that I get to really see the depth of each subtle lesson given to me a long time ago.
Those words had never given such an impact as it does now. It means . . . when I want something done superbly, I need to practice and make myself be a part of it. I need to make ME sing (not literally, of course).
I admit that I lose interest quite easily. I’ve gone through several episodes of my life when I did a lot of things halfheartedly. It is my curse . . . a curse that I want to break from but haven’t really found the right solution. Maybe before I die, I will. But at the moment, I’m still searching for it.
SEGUE: As those who know me personally can attest, my interests are quite varied – very eclectic. I thirst for knowledge. I hunger for information. That’s also one of the reasons people think I’m smart. I’d always try to correct their misinformed assumptions, of course, since I don’t consider myself smart at all. I’ve done a lot of pretty stupid stuff. I also had a couple of foot-in-mouth moments that is terribly humiliating, especially when those scenarios happen live on the radio where I moonlight as a Radio DJ. They just thought I’m smart because I love to read and can sometimes recall itty-bitty information whenever my three remaining brain cells function well during the appropriate setting or time. In short, I’ve been unconsciously pretending to be smart. It is misleading, I know, but I believe that I’ve been programmed to be like this. Anyway, because of my thirst for knowledge, I am prone to learn a skill, but once I get tired of doing it, I move on to another. I am always learning things, but never mastered one.
Going back to vibrations, I feel genuine vibrations around lately, telling me that things are looking up pleasantly well. The universe is virtually throbbing with it. There’s just too much life around me that I cannot just dismiss it offhand and not do anything. I want to learn another thing and I want to master it this time. Then, it made me think: Is this for real now? Am I feeling like this because for the first time in ages, I am in the process of really getting attuned to my inner being and my surroundings? Is it because my heart is in the right place? Is it because I found a new muse?
I believe I have found a new muse . . . a very auspicious timing, if I might say. As an artist, I need to be inspired in any way I can and finding a muse is a very important thing for me. This time, my muse is a living, breathing person, whom I won’t let others know about. I don’t want to jinx it.
With my muse in my mind and my sight (sometimes), my canvas won’t remain washed-out white anymore. It’s time to put color in it again.