As routine goes, I always tune in to one of my favorite radio shows in the morning (every workweek) while I enjoy a mug of coffee or tea before starting work.
So, in a way, this post is related to the topics under discussion for a couple of days about a week or so ago.
The topics were — shall I say — things that have been debated and argued over since time immemorial. It’s engaging; there’s no doubt about that. But for some reason, I cannot help myself from rolling my eyes and mutter, “Here we go again.” This comment is in no way directed at the DJs — they are fantastic. It’s directed to most of the stoopid comments that are quite annoying.
What is it about?
So apropos, isn’t it? Considering that Valentine’s Day is just a stone’s throw away.
But anyway, the topics might be too vague at some point and they could do with some explaining for the dim-witted folks — be more specific — because there are just too many factors to consider when the topic of beauty and attraction comes to mind. Just talking about attractiveness is so general, not to mention the different levels of attraction that one might get lost in answering the basic question: what’s your type?
This vagueness spawned a bunch of hypocritical messages, which went on and on about physicality being not important, which made me grit my teeth and barely control myself from dissing them off with a message of my own. (It’s nice to have a blog where I can air out my sentiments without direct spitting-contest with the other listeners).
Are they frickin’ kidding me? Of course physical appearance is important! It’s the “first” level of attraction.
If the topic was explained precisely, answers wouldn’t have made me shake my head and mutter a few choice words.
One can’t get to step 2 without going through step 1 first. One cannot ‘get to know’ the person’s personality without seeing something attractive in the person’s physicality first. When you’re looking at potential mates, you’d want to have the urge to jump their bones or else it’s not going to work. You might as well end up as a eunuch.
The Basic Instincts
Fact of the matter is, we are still animals and therefore sometimes become slaves to our nature with regard to the mating ritual (dating and marriage). We are programmed to procreate and no matter how much people say that character and personality is more important than physical beauty, that’s not the whole picture. Those are just factors to the whole getting it on.
Procreating means creating better versions of ourselves to enhance the species. If we’re going to make babies, we want them to look good. We don’t want to populate the world with ugly babies. Therefore, nature dictates that we mate with our best fit — the one that attracts us from the inside out, ergo, physical beauty and personality. Physical attraction is the first step and will remain so.
Call me shallow or something equally unflattering, but that’s the basic truth: We are attracted to beautiful things . . . to beautiful people. That’s the reason why we always get attracted physically to a potential mate first no matter what various psychobabble otherwise insists.
Of course, we cannot brush off the fact that beauty is oftentimes subjective.
I am no expert and I’m sharing my opinion here, but I believe the same dynamics that other animals or other species go through happens in the natural selection process of humans. When our eyes zone in on a handsome or beautiful person, biology kicks in every time. Realizing that your possible mate has a highly functioning brain and has great character and personality after the initial physical attraction is like hitting the jackpot. It calls for some “Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!” and probably some wedding bells ringing in the future.
But it all starts with physical attraction.
Types of Beauty
Who would want to be shackled to a fugly person? You might die early on in your marriage if you do. Just imagine yourself waking up in the morning — a bit disoriented and probably went through a nightmare — and finding some creature (you forgot for a split second that you married) sleeping beside you, you’d die of a heart attack for sure.
Anyway, thinking about beauty always brings to mind two kinds of perception: the subjective and the objective/editorial type of beauty.
What do I mean with subjective beauty? Remember the saying: Beauty is in the eye of beholder? That about sums it up. Each of us has a different eye for beauty. One man’s fugly is another man’s beauty queen.
Several factors are at play to influence a person’s eye for beauty.
As for the objective or editorial kind, you don’t need to look further. Fashion magazines — both online and the physical, glossy pages — are brimming with images of models in different beauty poses. This type leans more on what fashion dictates (i.e. acceptable dress size is 0-2, face must be symmetrical, lips must be full, long legs, etc.).
In this day and age and with the technology we have at our disposal, there’s no reason to be ugly anymore. There are tons of ways to enhance what nature gave you at birth without going through some drastic, and sometimes unnecessary cosmetic surgeries. You can be beautiful without breaking the bank.
In all honesty, I am not beautiful (I’m not fishing for compliments here). I obviously do not fit the conventional “Asian” mold. I am not slight of frame or petite (in this lifetime) and I’ll never be a traditional Asian wife/bride who stays at home, do housework all day while taking care of the kids. However, everything I am — both physical and psychological — I use to my advantage.
I am personable — in a way, I guess — and if I put myself into it, I can be quite charming. Through all of these, I am honest enough to say that whenever I go out and I get to see other people, I immediately get attracted (physically) to the beautiful people first, but that doesn’t mean I want to get it on as soon as I clap my mascaraed eyes at them (if I do, I’m not just going to be labelled as a “flirt”, but as a “slut”, too –which doesn’t go well with my image). Besides, not all physically attractive people are attractive inside. Some only looks good without opening their mouths. Some gives off a tell-tale sign about their personalities with the way they carry themselves or through their gestures and mannerisms.
In conclusion, the next time someone asks: what’s your type? Or what attracts you? It’s safe to ask them to be more specific or giving an answer with both physical attributes as well as character/personality type you like is safer.