steamlining the friends list

Cleaning Out The Undesirables

It’s time to turn a new leaf.

steamlining the friends list

I read somewhere (or maybe I heard — not really sure which) that in order to live a stress-free life, you have to get rid of the negatives in your life.

Easier said than done.

Human nature and the universe work together in keeping things balanced. There won’t be positives without the negatives … no good without evil … no Peter Pan without Captain Hook … yada … yada …

So, we are doomed. At least I am. I can never lead a stress-free life — ever. Ever?!

Wrong.

Although it’s contrary to the nature of things in this world, human nature also has this thing called “free will“. You are the engineer and the pilot of your life. Whatever choices you make should be for the betterment of yourself and the quality of life you lead.

So, by choosing to eliminate the negatives, you are taking control of your life and live it as you see fit. You have the choice to determine what those negatives are and sweep them out of your door. And that includes the people around you — mainly the “friends” (as what they call themselves but you have to disagree).

You see, I’m an unconventional person living a prosaic life contrary to popular belief. So, I’m flabbergasted when my sister accused me of having too many friends that I can’t keep count of — all fruits and nuts (most more than I am). Yes, I’ve got friends by the dozen, but are they real friends?

That unsolicited outburst from my sibling weighed me down. I began to pore deep and finally was able to decide to clean out the proverbial closet.

But before I can commence the unpleasant task, I have to know who my real friends are (don’t want to accidentally burn the wrong bridge).

So … here’s the ultimate question that bothered me enough to make me drink 2 mugs of black coffee before I start writing this post …

What makes a real friend?

I got to hand it down to my meandering mind and my penchant for over-analysing. It brought me all of these questions that “almost” made me more crazed than ever. These questions are:

  • Is that person the one who’s always with you whenever you feel like going out and do some shopping?
  • Is he/she someone who comments on your social media posts, telling you how wonderful you are all the time?
  • Is he/she someone who hangs on to your every word, convinced that everything you say is golden?
  • Is that person someone who wants to be with you because of some belief that you’re cool and has friends in high places?
  • Is that person someone who remembers you whenever they’re going through something and needs you to be an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on?
  • Is that person your number one critique, someone who picks on you and tell you all the bad things about you and your decisions in the misguided mission to make you a better person?
  • Is that person your number one fan, the one who gives you numerous praises and believes you’re God’s gift to humankind?
  • Is that person you tolerate because he/she is someone a high place in society and holds power?
  • Is that person you tolerate because he/she has more than 100 common friends with you?
  • Is he/she someone you took under your wing because nobody wants to be friends with that person?

Okay. That last one was rather cruel, but it does happen. I’m not particularly sure if I did. And if it turned out I did, I’ll atone for it later in my life (or probably in my next life). Karma and all that sh*t, you know.

FACT: There are many types of people (and personalities) we get to meet in our lifetime. Some are great and others are … shall we say … rather unpleasant. I can go on and on with the questioning and would still make me slightly off-center and arrive to the conclusion that I can really just count my true friends with one hand.

Weeding Out the Negatives

The first thing I did was identify the friends from merely acquaintances.

Let’s talk about ACQUAINTANCES.

These are people you can live with or without — doesn’t matter if they exist in your peripheral vision or not. Your world doesn’t revolve around them or alongside them. And … they come and go.

These are people I got close to during my forays into the business and corporate world and have lost touch and never really bothered to rekindle the spark (not the flame) can be categorized as acquaintances — along with the twice or thrice met people whom I shared a laugh with and never did again. There were also those who are still avidly striking conversations because they believe I’m one of the cool kids or I’m acquainted with them. Totally fake and irritates the hell out of me.

And then, there are the REAL FRIENDS.

I once bragged that I can die a happy woman knowing there are at least two people who’ll openly and genuinely grieve when I die.

Don’t we all have that goal in mind when making that social circuit to make friends?

And here I am about to brag yet again that yes … I have two genuinely lovely best friends that will mourn my passing with real tears. As for the others who will spout out platitudes brimming with grief during my funeral — I don’t give a f*ck.

Real friends are those, even without talking to each other for weeks or even months, still have that undeniable connection. Just one glimpse of a couple of social media status and they will know if I’m feeling bad, in trouble or ecstatically fine.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. It’s fun to see I’ve got more than 700 friends following me on Facebook and about a three hundred or so more in my other social media accounts. Of course, it’s not a validation that I’m Ms. Congeniality or something, but it still feels good that those people appreciate what I do or who I am even if they only know Social Rose, not the more Personal Rose. Yet, in the back of my mind is a wart-faced harridan telling me that just 5% of those people I truly communicate with. Sad but true.

So in the spirit of cleaning out the undesirables from my overstuffed metaphorical closet, I’m taming, re-aligning and streamlining my “friends” list.

No more fake camaraderie. No more fake tolerance. No more Ms. Too-Nice Rose. From now on, I will sweep out the negative, flaky and opportunistic a**holes from my life with my handy and sturdy broom.

Sayonara undesirables!

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