When you’ve been uprooted several times in your life, the overall sense of having a “home” gets lost somehow. It is sad, but true in every sense of the word H-O-M-E.
Because of my predilection to do a lot of musing, my ever-meandering thoughts brought me to the realization that I never really did have a home. Then, I began to expound on my musing by remembering some people I know who never really appreciated being born, raised and had stayed in one place. They often find a lot of different reasons to get out of the place where they learned everything they knew and where all the people who knew and loved them lived. In short, they don’t appreciate what they have. And for someone who never had that privilege to stay in one place long enough to call it a “home“, I pity them.
I was once again beset with the same sweat-dripping nightmare I had a couple of weeks ago. Donning my metaphorical sky-blue petticoated dress and getting sucked in that infernal rabbit hole is beginning to create a chain of unsettling emotions and feelings that is harder and harder to forget without resorting to a lobotomy. I wouldn’t mind if Keanu Reeves (Neo in The Matrix) will be there at the end of the rabbit hole to catch me.
They say that dreams are like extensions of reality and that whatever you are experiencing in real life reflects what you see and experience during your unconscious state. However, I don’t think this saying applies to me now. I mean, I may have problems and stress, but it’s not enough to call forth really disturbing dreams that is so unlike the others I had before. And being a recurrent one is more disturbing by my measure.
I woke up shaking and sweating this morning. Not because of the sweltering heat that ushers the start of summer, but because of a dreadful dream that rendered me gasping for breath. But, however much I try to remember what it was, I came off blank like white noise after the station ID says bye-bye to their regular programming on the telly. What I remember is the feeling it left me afterwards – DREAD.
It’s enough to make me imagine myself as a scared teddy bear to lessen the feeling that peskily took residence inside my chest.
According to studies, an average human being can generate around four to six dreams during REM, the deepest stage of sleep. However, it is hard to remember most dreams especially when it occurs during the first hours of REM. For someone who’s been plagued with insomnia for years, I can remember some of my dreams in vivid details and sometimes write them down on my journal when I wake up – well, the most impressive or disturbing ones that I could remember.