Tag Archives: random musings

In Pursuit Of . . .

There have been plenty of reasons and excuses that hinder the human heart to finally achieve some semblance of happiness.

Guilty as charged, I’ve been one of those whose pursuit of happiness took more than a decade to come into fruition. For different reasons that are both logical and sometimes plain idiotic, I have been plagued by my passion to do what I want, creating less than pleasant dreams and making me wake up both defeated and sullen. Because I always find myself in that infernal intersection, trying to weigh the never-ending pros and cons, practicality always win — hands down — paving the way towards a less fulfilling endeavor, leaving me to question myself WHY.

Regrets are a poor bedfellow to a craving heart.

Being with friends who likes to psycho-analyze me A LOT, and had no qualms in pointing out how I’ve been wasting my talents away, I have achieved clarity upon careful reflection.

If you love something so much, you’ll make time for it.

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The Wrongful Reflection

Most people had posed this question to themselves at any given point in their lives. 

“What’s wrong with me?”

Evidently and scientifically speaking, we are created almost the same. Our internal organs are at their proper places – unless you’re a medical miracle or anomaly. We breathe the same way. We fart the same way. Yada . . . yada . . . yada . . .

charlie brown

But how come we ask this terribly self-criticizing question as if our self-worth had just plummeted down the drain? It questions everything that we stand for, slightly touching on an existential topic of “what’s our purpose” and “why are we created”. This question breeds anxiety. Also, this path of thinking leads to loads of other crappy stuff we don’t really need in our lives in order to embrace happiness . . . in order to feel good about ourselves . . . in order to live a fulfilling life. This question kills off all possibility of ever looking towards a bright future.

Your life is in your hands. You are the master of your own fate.

I cannot stress that enough without sounding like a broken record, but it is true.

If you allow external deterrents into your life and be led by some insane idea that you have “no choice” in whatever you do, then, you do yourself a disservice. There is ALWAYS a choice and deciding on which one to take using the perfect marriage of two of those important part of yourself – the heart and the mind – will bring you to a place where the question, “What is wrong with me?” has no place in. Because there is nothing wrong with people in general. It is the extrinsic things added with fears that makes all the problems.  Marginalizing both will create a place where the SELF has worth and has value.

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Skin Deep

Real beauty is not just skin deep.

How many times have I heard this spoken and written somewhere? Countless. And yet, those five small words spoke more than all the sentences I might write in this post.

audrey

My younger version might be too dense to take this saying to heart. Before, beauty is all about makeovers for me. I mean, I’ve reinvented my style or look numerous times just to get that “look.” It was a trial, trying to make yourself look prettier when you’re not blessed with natural beauty unlike those you’ve lived and grown up with.

Insecurities abound in my childhood. My skin is too oily . . . I’m riddled with acne . . . I don’t have the right body type . . . yada . . . . yada . . . It grows old though – these meaningless insecurities. But it does affect ones’ outlook in life.

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My Annual Valentine’s Day Horror Film Marathon

It has become my self-imposed tradition to pick three to five horror movies to watch on Valentine’s Day whether I have someone special at the time or none. Most of often, I do not. So, it’s a way for me to renege on the whole Valentine’s Day for couples and lovey-dovey whatnots. I know it’s weird . . . but hey, I don’t think I’m alone in this. There must be a dozen or so like me out there and I have to say it now:

It’s okay. You’re not alone.

This year, I’m focusing on zombie comedy-horror films. I know there’s not much titles on this genre and it’s okay since I only have a couple of hours to spare in indulging on this 10-year-old tradition. The whole idea came to me after checking the US blockbuster list last week and some write-ups regarding movies currently screening on theaters worldwide. With most movie producers almost at full throttle in preparation for the coming summer, I am expecting a lot of great action and star-studded films hitting the big screen soon.

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Ugly Verbal Bruises

Just like any other ordinary person, I had my fair share of ups and downs – both in my career and my personal life.

The experiences that really affected me and in turn mold me to what I am right now were the negative ones. Maybe it’s human nature to remember the heartaches more than the joys. Maybe it’s human nature that made me believe of bettering myself to prove those people, who have thrown hateful words at me, wrong.

“Be careful what you say in anger or spite because the verbal bruises do not heal that fast and can sometimes leave an indelible mark.”

I blame people’s inability to empathize.

I blame people’s ability to be insensitive.

I blame people’s inability to discipline their wayward tongues and inflict wounds that can never be healed by Betadine and antibiotic ointments.

The ugly verbal bruises and/or wounds that will forever linger as long as we don’t resolve it within ourselves debilitates our capacity to function well with the company of other people. There’s always the self-doubt. There are always the questions . . .

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